Combat Negative Self-Talk

October 18, 2013 § Leave a comment

 We all come from the same slate. Don’t fall into the trapped belief that you are inferior. You are a very special, one of a kind. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

-Miss Kho

I’m too stupid. I’m ugly. I’m weak. Everyone is better than me. I’m inadequate. I’m a failure. I never do anything right. I never succeed. Repeating these statements on a constant basis is obviously doing more harm than good. If you fall victim of negative self-talk, how does it make you feel? Doesn’t it add strain to your body physiologically? It’s obviously not the best feeling in the world. Referring to my previous post, repetition of negative thoughts will enter our subconscious naturally and when we believe in them, we then eventually become what we believe. It’s a dangerous downward slope to follow. Please don’t get caught into this.

You need to form positive affirmations about yourself. Instead of saying, I’m ugly say I’m beautiful. If you don’t believe you’re beautiful, tell me precisely how one defines beauty. If you are defining beauty in reference to XYZ, then stop comparing. If it helps, try meditating. Begin connecting with people to whom you associate with positive influence. Our social circle has a powerful effect to us whether we are aware of it or not.

I once hung around a group of deviant people who would respond to life’s pitfalls with drugs, alcohol and various bizarre activities in between. Just within 2 years ago, I wiped out all of them because I knew they were having debilitating effects on me. I took a big risk, which led me to intense isolation from everyone. I was severely depressed and lonely, but I knew that by allowing myself some time for mental cleansing and self-growth, it would be for the best in the long run. It’s like demolishing an old building and rebuilding it so it’ll be held upon a better foundation. That’s what it felt for me – the pain or the demolishment is what was necessary for having the new foundation for a sustaining better life.

Express Gratitude

September 18, 2013 § 4 Comments

One of the great ways for us to have more satisfaction in life is to express gratitude for all the things we have. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is. When we wake up in the morning, take a brief moment to write down all the things you are currently grateful for. For example, that could be “I am grateful for having a roof over my head”, “I am grateful for witnessing a new day” or “I am grateful that I will be getting my paycheck today.” It’s kind of upsetting that we as a society are conditioned to focus on the things we don’t have. When we express gratitude, we are letting the idea into our consciousness. First, by taking the time to think about what we are grateful for, and then the mere act of writing it down will surely let the thought of gratefulness sink in. Over time, these thoughts will enter our subconscious, and we are inadvertently becoming more and more positive through our personality and mindset. On the contrary, when we repeat negative thoughts of not having the car we’ve always wanted, not having enough money to pay bills or falling behind in class, then sure enough, the thought your consciousness is strongly focused on will continue to become part of your reality.

I’ve experimented with this before, and it truly does work. I used to have bouts of suicide on and off for many years, was diagnosed with depression, and underwent a risky lifestyle that my sane self would not approve of. I’m amazed for the major turn around I’ve done.  If I were to write down something that I am thankful for now, it will be that I’m thankful for seeing the world through a positive lens. It’s almost crazy at how my thinking shifted completed from the opposite side of the spectrum. When you are undergoing a tough time and are contemplating suicide, I’ll tell you that it’s not the end of the world. I know it’s so cliché to say that to one who is in deep emotional trouble, but I can’t emphasize it enough. Life is all about ups and downs. When you’re feeling down, there will always be a chance for you to gain happiness again. On the other hand, when you’re feeling happy, appreciate exactly what you’re feeling at the moment, but don’t take it for granted – be prepared for the pitfalls that may imminently come your way. It’s inevitable. It’s just the fact of reality, and that’s what so fun about it. I view life as a game and your only way to master it is through your way of thinking.

American Beauty

September 10, 2013 § 1 Comment

American Beauty has always given me the chills. It couldn’t have been composed in a better form. It was just perfect. I watch this movie any time I’m feeling down because it has the ability to help me escape my current reality and to gain insight on the true meaning of life. The movie has so many thick complex layers that go deep down describing each individual character’s search for beauty in the world. Beauty is everywhere. Not many can perceive it, nor put forth effort into it because they are so wired in on the daily flow of life. It seems as if everyone is living on autopilot. It’s quite sad. Instead of loathing on our pitfalls, why not appreciate the beauty our temporary life has to offer? I engage in a lot of deep thinking – maybe a little too much, but at least a positive discovery came out of it. We just have so many great expectations out of life that if the things we want are slightly altered, we get frustrated and the mere act of exhibiting frustration is attracting negative energy from the universe to you. It’s like adding fuel to the fire. You’re life will never get better living that way. Ever. As simple as it sounds, you truly do create your own reality. Every event that has ever happened is neutral – it is up to you to react to it in a certain way. Beauty can come in all forms – just anything. Appreciate the small things. Focus on the good and disregard the pitfalls because they are inevitable.

Below is a snippet from the soundtrack of American Beauty. It was played during the kissing scene between Lester and Angela. The music itself seemed to be relevant to my topic. Enjoy.

My Definition of Hell

January 6, 2013 § Leave a comment

I feel like I’ve lost myself. Writing, photography and music – everything that I was ever passionate about has died away and I can’t seem to find a way to retrieve it. I feel like I’ve lost my identity. Who am I now? Why have  I changed? I want to get back to my old self, but I just can’t seem to resuscitate from this bland life I never dreamed of living. I’m even having a hard time writing this very post – should I word my sentence this way, that way, or are my ideas flowing well? Never in my life have I struggled to write my feelings. I have went through a lot of wear and tear in the year of 2012. Drugs, alcohol, and miscellaneous promiscuous activities that I’ve engaged in has separated me from my true passions. It’s like I’m paralyzed. My old temporary lifestyle has forever damaged me. Life is pointless without learning anything new. Life is pointless when you can’t truly express your emotions in the way that you want to. I’m incapable of expression. Help, I’m trapped! Do you know how frustrating this is? All I say or write seems nothing but me sulking in my pathetic misery. I feel like a child being overly dramatic for not getting a toy I catch a glimpse of at the store – that’s how cheap my emotions are. My cry for help is meaningless. It lacks depth. My attempt to get help is not enough to evoke emotions from others. I’m knowingly living on autopilot and I can’t flip the switch. It’s like I died, but I’m still conscious. Nothing hurts worse.


April 4, 2012 § Leave a comment

It’s a surprise how I’m still breathing…or is it only my imagination? The amount of stress piling onto my shoulders have surpassed on what I thought would be my limit. Now I survived, and still am in the process of surviving episodes of immense trial and error pains of what I’d like to call life. I’ve learned a lot – more than I asked for. Should I be proud of the hell life puts on me? Well, yes. It only makes me more immune to anger, shame, guilt, sorrow, sadness…the whole nine yards.

Desensitized. No other word in the English language could describe me any better. Could life be lived better like an emotionless robot? Could you imagine a world where no emotions exist – positive emotions, let alone the negative?  You can’t feel happiness as a robot. I haven’t genuinely felt that way in quite some time. Maybe I am a robot, it’s just not confirmed yet.

I went grocery shopping at Whole Foods Market to buy ingredients for my Master Cleanse detox diet. You have no idea how hard it is to find Grade B maple syrup. ANYway, in the process of consuming nothing but water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and maple syrup, I felt pain. I couldn’t distinguish if it was physical hunger or my taste buds just craving food. Maybe both. But then I realized, the longer I put through with this strict diet, the better my results will be in the end. Willpower – that’s the answer. You get stronger and stronger the more you train yourself the feel pain, emotionally or physically. In the end, you realize how much you can accomplish. Over time, the experiences you once thought was terrible, may not be as terrible as when you initially experienced them. You don’t always have to view every unfortunate event in a dim light. View it as a way of putting yourself in an emotional detox diet.

TMI Disorder

January 23, 2012 § Leave a comment

Is there such a thing? I found that even though I’d prefer to live a covert lifestyle, I am bound to say just a liiitle bit too much about myself especially when I get deep into a conversation. Why’s that? Why do I, without thinking, feel compelled to spill my whole life story when it is not deemed necessary? I revealed to one of my coworkers that I ___________________ and it was something I’ve kept a secret for almost a year. I have successfully lived a double life and it has faltered in the midst of our 5 minute conversation. I guess it’s not so bad to let a few folks know the gist of my secret life…is it? There are some people who are open to speak of this specific lifestyle I am living, but it is frowned upon. I, myself, am not proud of it, but it is what I have to resort to to survive. Shame.

Resolution for the new year 2012

January 1, 2012 § Leave a comment

Before I begin, I want to point out the uselessness of celebrating the new year. I mean, it’s just another day. We midas well celebrate everyday. Every single day of each and every year is unique in its month, day and year – Like January 1st, XXXX.

I didn’t have any resolution for this year. Maybe it’s just a continuation of 2011′s resolution – the generic work out and eat healthy type lifestyle. I’ve been fairly successful. I still maintain a steady routine of jogging and/or hitting the gym 3-4 times a week and being conscious of what I consume. Nothing too difficult unless you’re a lazy, undetermined bum. Due to my fitness level, it has unintentionally caused me to look down on others who don’t take physical care of themselves. It’s not that hard! Just be strict to yourself for 7 days. Before you know, you’ll create a habit out of it. Will power never felt so good.

Most of my friends’ resolutions were to concentrate more on school. Yeah, it’s another decent, generic type of resolution as well, but for the first time, this idea has plummeted down on my personal to-do list. I will touch on it very lightly for this post, and elaborate more in the future. The only people who will have ease of access to colleges/universities are those who have rich, supportive parents, or are borderline homeless. I’m the working poor, so I definitely don’t benefit financially either way.

Below is an intriguing video of how college isn’t for everyone. I have a low attention span on the internet, and since I was glued to the screen watching this entire 1 hour video, then it’s probably decent enough for you, too.


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